Finding the answers

People seem to think that teachers know all the answers. Some even think that teachers hoard the answers, unwilling to share them with others until just the right combination of words or events happens along to unlock their self-storage locker space of knowledge. Not so, my friends, not so. Life holds lots of mysteries, many of which are beyond this teacher to unravel or decipher, and a few that I can actually resolve, usually with some help. That help can come in the form of another person or some written piece of wisdom, but sometimes it's a matter of time and letting the old gray cells work, and then paying attention to what they say.

One of the questions I've voiced, at least mentally, in the past few months is Why am I here rather than there? Sometimes it's a question with very specific "heres" and "theres" and at other times the terms are quite general. On the surface, the answers sometimes seem to be simple, "You signed a contract and you have a JOB, dummy!" being one of them. And sometimes I know the answer but I just don't want to acknowledge it, so that's a case of, "Grow up, darlin, and smell the coffee." But in thinking more deeply, I realize that I am - as most people are, I suspect - right where I'm supposed to be, when I'm supposed to be there. There's a reason why I was at the kitchen window a few weeks ago when the young deer were out in the yard and I had a chance to see them. There's a reason why I was in Belgium last year and why I'm here this year. There's a reason why I was in the office yesterday when a friend trying to be strong couldn't hold herself together for a few moments. Those reasons don't always become apparent right away, but eventually some of them become clear, and when they do, I feel a lightness that's hard to describe. It almost feels like I carry around the things that are unresolved like so many pebbles (or boulders, sometimes) and each time I become aware of an answer that I seek, I'm enlightened in several senses of the word: that "I get it!" light bulb over my head goes on, and the load of pebbles becomes lighter. So today, on this glorious autumn Saturday, I'll go to watch a high school football game, and I'll enjoy where I am while I'm there and be happy, knowing I'm where I'm supposed to be. And now I'll have one less point to ponder and one less pebble to carry.